First Time Anal: Everything You Need to Know
Anal sex is often thought of as one of the last taboos. All over the world, the act is looked down on as something “wrong” or “unnatural”. Some even view it as something that only gay men do, and definitely not something they want to include in their sex lives.
Unfortunately, this couldn’t be further from the truth! Not only has anal sex been a staple of humanity throughout history, it’s also one of the most enjoyable things we can experience.
Whether you’re an anal virgin, or someone who “tried it once and it hurt”, there’s definitely more fun to be had with this unique and intimate sex act. Read on to learn the best way to start exploring anal fun yourself!
Why YOU Should Try Anal
Of course, the first thing any anal adventurer will want to know is simply this: Why?
To start understanding the immense pleasure that you can enjoy through anal stimulation, we should first take a look at the body itself.
Anatomy of the Anus
Many of you will have only ever though of your anus as an exit, and not really considered what’s going on inside. There’s a lot more to this part of your body though…
The first thing you should know, is that there are significantly more nerve endings in your anus than both the vagina and the penis. These nerve endings are what cause you to feel pleasure during sex or masturbation, and they can do exactly the same thing when you begin to stimulate yourself anally.
Many of these nerve endings are found in the walls of the rectum, which is highly sensitive to touch, pressure, and even temperature. The deeper into the rectum you go, the less sensitive it becomes, so there’s no need to worry about deep penetration when trying anal.
Another very important area of anal pleasure are the sphincters. Most people know that we have a sphincter at the entrance to the anus, but there are actually two. Both the internal and external anal sphincters are small rings of muscle which are pushed open during anal penetration.
For women, we also should consider the G-spot (when shouldn’t we?). Some believe that this area is a bit like an iceberg, with much more being found under the surface. While the G-spot probably doesn’t extend into the anal canal itself, anal penetration can stimulate it in a completely different way.
Men shouldn’t feel left out though, as they have a body part which is almost exclusively stimulated by anal: the prostate. This gland is found deep inside their pelvic region, and can provide some of the most intense and powerful feelings they’ll ever experience!
What Does Anal Sex Feel Like?
If you’ve never had anal sex before, then wondering what it feels like will probably be another very common thought you have. Unfortunately, it’s quite a hard question to get a straight answer to.
Ultimately, we should point out that not everyone will enjoy anal sex. This is completely okay, and totally normal.
What commonly happens though, is that people will have one bad experience, and never try it again. These are the people who are really missing out, as doing it the right way will often change the experience completely. Many people end up enjoying it even more than vaginal sex!
To give you at least some idea of how it might feel, here are a few statements made by people who’ve tried it before:
- It feels intense and activates all pleasure zones.
- It makes them feel closer to their partner.
- It’s a turn on mainly because it is still somewhat taboo.
- It feels empowering and vulnerable at the same time.
- It feels like sensory overload – in a good way.
- It is especially fun when combined with clitoris stimulation.
- When an orgasm is reached, it can feel stronger and more intense than other types of orgasms.
- It feels nice and slippery when enough lube is used.
- It puts a nice pressure on other body parts as well as the anus.
- You can feel every inch of your partner’s organ.
Painful Anal Sex: Does It Really Hurt?
While there are many different concerns and reservations people can have before trying anal, there’s always one that comes up the most. Does it hurt?
To put it bluntly, it might.
This is where most of the bad experiences people have originate. They plow right on without taking the time to properly prepare and relax.
The good news though, is that it’s completely possible to have a pain-free experience no matter how experienced you are with anal sex!
Preparing For Your First Anal Experience
We know. Preparing to have sex isn’t exactly sexy. You don’t spend hours getting your vagina or penis ready before you head to the bedroom normally, so why go through all the extra effort for anal?
Well, unlike regular intercourse, preparation is something that you absolutely shouldn’t overlook when trying anal.
Not only do you need to get past the logistical problems (such as the anus not producing its own lubrication), but many of us will have a lot of mental barriers to overcome. On top of that, there’s the question of hygiene which can put a lot of people off.
So the ideal preparation routine should accomplish the following:
- Loosen the anal muscles ready for penetration.
- Clean the area to avoid any embarrassing accidents.
- Relax your mind so you can focus on the pleasurable sensations.
- Turn you on!
You can accomplish these goals however you like. Some people like to soak in a warm bubble bath. Others like to spend some time meditating and clearing their mind. Some simply need a little lube and foreplay and they’re ready to go!
Lubrication and Anal Sex
Speaking of lube, this is one part of the puzzle that should never be overlooked.
As we’ve mentioned, the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication. Not only will this make it difficult to even get a sex toy or penis inside, it also means any sexual activity can cause a lot of friction.
This can be uncomfortable, and in the worst cases cause painful abrasions or even tears (both kinds)!
While you’ll often have to consider which type of lubricant you use and whether or not it is compatible with any sex toys you want to use (don’t mix silicone with silicone!), we’ve got this all taken care of for you. Our very own lovelube is a specially formulated anal lubricant specifically designed to maximise your anal pleasure. Being water-based, it’s compatible with almost any kind of sex toy, and feels great during anal sex with a partner!
Getting Started: Solo Exploration
Now for our first big tip. If you’ve never tried any kind of anal stimulation before, then start with a little solo exploration.
Taking the time to do this gives you a chance to experience some of what it’ll be like with a partner, and start working through any barriers you might have keeping you from enjoying it.
You don’t need to do it all in one session, and can try whatever you think will be nice. Most of the time, starting with a little anal foreplay, like stroking and massage, can help loosen up the area. You can also focus on your breathing to take your mind off any feelings of weirdness you might have. Over time, you can gradually start to insert a finger or two, and gently rub the inside of your anus with circular motions which will help to open it up further
The shower is an ideal place for this kind of exploration. You don’t have to worry about any mess, and the warmth can help you relax and your muscles to become less tense.
Once you've got use to a finger or two, you might want to explore things a little more before bringing your partner into the mix. There are plenty of anal sex toys you can try, including anal beads, anal vibrators, or ever a butt plug with a tail! The important thing here is just exploring your own body, and seeing what you enjoy.
Asking Your Partner to Try Anal
Any time a couple decides to start having anal sex, there’s always going to be one person who brings it up first. This can be quite an awkward proposition, and even if you both want it, you might end up not trying anal because both partners are too scared to bring it up.
Part of the problem comes from the lack of knowledge that most people have when it comes to their rear-ends. Unfortunately, it’s a common conception that it hurts, so many people will avoid it.
That’s why we always encourage you to do plenty of research, and actually have an idea of what you want to do before approaching your partner. Being able to show them articles which can help alleviate their worries can go a long way to convincing them.
You should also be sure to have an open mind when you approach them. While you might have an idea of how you think your anal experience will go, they may want to try things differently. This isn’t just something for your pleasure, so you should listen to what your partner has to say.
You can also prepare a safe word. This is a common technique in BDSM communities, to help make sure nothing ever goes too far. You simply choose a word which you won’t use during sex normally, then if either of you say it then everything stops immediately. Having one can make a nervous partner much more comfortable that you won’t be too rough or carry on if it becomes painful.
Ultimately though, some people just won’t want to have anal sex. This is completely fine, and if your partner says no you should respect their wishes. Pestering them about it is going to make them want to do it less, but if you’re mature and drop it after they say no, you’ll often find that they will come back to you later having changed their mind.
Guide to Pain Free Anal Sex
Being properly prepared before engaging in anal intercourse can go a long way towards making it a pain free experience. Loosening the muscles, relaxing, and using plenty of lubrication are all great precautions.
Once you’re in the throes of passion though, it can be easy to get carried away and end up having an experience you’d rather forget.
To keep things comfortable and pleasurable right up to the climax, you should remember these simple tips:
- Gradually insert the penis or strap on into your partner’s anus, taking breaks whenever they need to.
- Don’t start thrusting heavily as soon as you’re inside. Start slow, and only build the pace and intensity as your partner becomes more comfortable.
- If you have anal sex for a long period of time, re-apply more lube regularly.
- Keep open communication lines the entire time. Check that your partner is comfortable, and let them guide you so that they remain comfortable.
Anal Sex Positions for Beginners
The first sex position that most people will think of when it comes to anal is doggy. This classic leaves the anus exposed, so it is easy to penetrate. Spending long periods on your hands and knees can be quite tiring though, so you might quickly find yourself wanting some different positions to try.
For a simple twist, the partner being penetrated can simply lower their shoulders down to the surface of the bed. This is a much less tiring position, and changes the angle from which you can be penetrated.
Depending on the height of your bed, and how tall you both are, doggy might not be very comfortable at all. Luckily, nearly every existing sex position can be just as fun during anal penetration.
If the person being penetrated wants to have more control over the pace of things, then all variations of cowgirl are great. This can even be done sitting in a chair rather than lying in a bed!
For a more intimate experience, spooning really comes into its own. While it can be quite hard to find the right angle to penetrate the vagina while spooning, its much easier to penetrate the anus. While in this position, you are both able to move as much as each other, so either partner can take control.
Then there’s the simple classic: missionary. While standard missionary may make it a little difficult to reach your partner’s anus, there are a few things you can do to help. Lifting your legs and placing them on your partner’s shoulders usually gives them plenty of access, and provides a great angle for deep penetration. You can also place a pillow under your lower back to help raise your pelvis and make penetration much easier.
How Often Can You Have Anal Sex?
Among couples who’ve tried anal and ended up loving it, a common concern is often how regularly they can have anal sex. There are even some horrible rumours that if you use it too often, your anus will become saggy, loose, and you’ll have difficulty controlling your poop!
These couldn’t be further from the truth! While the sphincter can loosen an impressive amount and accept some huge sex toys, among most people it will return to it’s former size within around a day.
So really the only restriction on how often you can have anal sex is yourself! If you’re too rough, or don’t use enough lube, then you might find that the anus becomes painful and you want to take a break. If you always focus on having pain-free anal though, then you can enjoy it as often as you want!
Aftercare Following Anal Sex
Taking the time to recover and make sure everything is okay isn’t something we commonly think of doing after sex. In a way, it tends to be built into what we normally do. We go to the toilet, some have a shower, and most couples will spend some time snuggling up in bed.
These simple activities help us to wind down, and make sure our bodies are in perfect condition ready for the next time we get lucky.
Aftercare is perhaps even more important following anal sex. Most people feel much more vulnerable when being penetrated anally, which can often bring up some uncomfortable feelings. It’s important to spend time with your partner, make sure they feel okay, and make sure they feel loved and wanted. If you jump straight out of bed and leave them there feeling weird and unhappy, they’re much less likely to let you do it again!
There’s also the issue of cleanup. While uncommon, you might have encountered some poop during your sex, so making sure to wash any body parts or sex toys that have come into contact with it is important. The person who was penetrated may have a lot of gas, might need to use the bathroom, and will definitely need to wash away some of the lube that will be all over their butt.
To end an anal session as enjoyably as you started it, taking the time for proper aftercare is crucial. So perhaps it’s the not the best thing to do as a “quickie before bed”.
Anal Sex Tips
If you follow all of our advice, you should have an anal experience you’ll never forget. Any fears will be washed away, and you and your partner will have another fun thing to try in bed. Before you rush off to try it yourself though, here’s a few final tips!
- Don’t forget about the romance. Let your partner wine and dine you, listen to some romantic music, and do whatever else you enjoy so that it is easier for you to get in the right mood.
- Let yourself feel dirty and naughty. Anal sex is often considered a taboo, but feeling naughty can be fun, so just relax and enjoy the act.
- Just because you’re the receiver doesn’t mean you can’t feel a sense of control. Especially if the communication between you and your partner is top notch, you can feel a great sense of control with anal sex.
- Prepare for the fact that it might get messy. Some people choose dark sheets to hide the stains, while others lay towels down on the bed before they get started.
- Accept the fact that it might hurt a little in the beginning, but this goes away over time, especially if you practice anal sex in a safe and proper manner.
- Anal sex is like vaginal sex in a lot of ways, in that the female in particular may take a while to be fully ready. Taking your time and following all of our advice definitely helps, and if you start with a familiar position that you know will help you relax, it can be a great start. Also remember to breathe properly the entire time, because if you don’t, you will tense up and make the sex more painful.